Lost in a troubled sea called: Life

Recent updates include that I failed out of college. Seeing I only have like 1 reader, this isn't a Surprise to you, is it Jana? (Seeing that I already told you)

So I got fired from my job at Pizza Time. I am unemployed, and have so many debts to pay off, rent to pay, etc. Basically, this couldn't have come at a worse time. I somewhat believe that God has forsaken me. I know I should never lose faith in The Lord, and that he'll never turn his back on me, but no matter how many times I ask him to give me guidance, I receive none. It's as if, the last time I called to him and he answered, was when he allowed me to see my Grandmother one last time before she died. Although, my gratitude for what he did then cannot be measured because it is so great, I still feel like that was the last thing he has done to assist me in this blind path called life. At this point, I have no clue whether I'll be homeless next week or not. What I need now is a good job or two, that gives me each about 6-8 hours a day, so I can work about 65-80 hours a week. I need to get back up on my feet. I even almost lost hope again, and started thinking about removing myself from this plain of existence. I don't need to be thinking about that, EVER. I think all of this worry and doubt and stress is starting to get to me.

Why did I ever fail out? I wish I could go back in time, and beat myself senseless for doing what I did. I wasted $7.5k and a whole year of what was the BIGGEST OPPORTUNITY I have ever had, and will ever have. Every second of the day, I constantly think about how much easier my life would be had I not failed out. How much better it would be. Nothing to worry about but what homework I had, and when my next test or exam was. That would've been all. Not worrying about whether I'd be homeless or not, or anything like that.

If I ever make it through this trying time in my life, and am able to return to college, which I hope will be OSU, I will do so much better, already knowing what the alternative would be. It would be like a rebirth of my work ethic.

Well, that's kind of where I am at right now. Except of course of the opportunity I might have here in Lawton. Evidently, my mother's friend Vinnie Santiago has a friend that is an electrician. And he's willing to bring me on board as his apprentice. That would be a very good thing. I wouldn't have to pay for schooling and still make money while I work to get my certification in the skill of being an Electrician. That will give me a good head start as far as a career goes.

I need not place much faith in what "might" happen, but what will. For instance, what "might" happen is that my mother's contracting corporation that she works for on Ft. Sill, might have lost the contracts for the buildings my mother works in. So basically, she might lose her job. It's hard enough for my mother to pay her bills as it is, and she makes around 40k a year salary.

Anyway, that's about all I wanted to say. Thank you.

I have to go get ready for my mother to come home from Lunch Break, so we can talk about what she needs me to do today.

Until Next time.